Killing Klumben

I had promised my friend Asta that her rabbit Klumben would be in good hands while she lived in the US for some months. We had 3 rabbits in total, Jim Seven, Ponyo and Klumben, they all lived in nice cages Asta had built for them at the university garden. 

It was winter, and the rabbits were all fluffy and winter-furry, but Klumben wasn’t feeling well. She would just sit there in the corner getting more and more sad and tired. She was ill and rabbits never show that they are ill, so she must have been extraordinarily ill. I called Asta telling her that we would have to put her down, and I would take her to the vet on Monday. But when Sunday came around, Klumben was doing even worse, and I felt terrible. The best thing to do was to put her down right then and there. 

I grew up in the country, so don’t judge me, when on this sunny Sunday morning I thought it would be best if I just took care of Klumben’s misery myself. First thing I did was to call my dad, he knows how to do these things. He suggested putting Klumben in a box and in a plastic bag tied to the exhaust of a car; Klumben would die in a peaceful way. 

So I called my brother Lauge asking him to bring over a car, which he did. But he brought an electrical one, which would only do the job if we drove over Klumben and that was definitely not the plan. We took Klumben in the box to Lauge’s workshop – here he had a “real” car. In the backyard of the workshop we tied the box with Klumben inside to the exhaust of the real car, turned on the engine – and waited.  

We carefully opened the box after 20 minutes – but Klumben was still alive, maybe a bit high, but definitely not dead. Lauge then remembered his car had one of those environmental filters on the exhaust.We decided to take Klumben to the basement to try and find another way of ending her misery. Being very unsure on how to do this in a humane way, we turned to YouTube, and after watching several videos of rabbits getting killed in various effective ways we decided that we would hit her over the neck with a metal stick. It looked fast, and easy. 

But who to do it? Who should kill Klumben, both of us were nervously tiptoeing in circles around the poor rabbit lying helpless on the floor – begging us to end her life. I argued that Lauge did not know her, therefore it would be easier for him, while he said I was the rabbit caretaker and therefore I should do it. Truth is both of us were cowards. 

I don’t know how long we must have been in that basement with poor sick Klumben, but Lauge’s partner Frigg called and said there was lasagne ready at home. Hours must have passed by now, so I was confident I was ready to do the deed, I just had to visit the toilet to be sure I would not pee in fear when killing Klumben. 

While in the toilet, I heard a short thump noise and when I came out Klumben was now very much dead and Lauge was very much covered in blood. I stood there open mouthed as he looked at me and said “I’m getting very hungry now – let’s go home”.

By |2019-10-10T08:57:42+00:00September 10th, 2019|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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